House jokes
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
I saw a kid in the yard and I asked where are your parents.
Then I got fired from the orphanage.
What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?
Fuller House.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
Site nearly as dead as my trim.