House Jokes

GIRL: wanna come over to my house ORPHAN: i have to ask if my parents come home

I'm so poor, that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say Ding Dong!

Where was stephen hawkings during the house fire... the top of the stairs

Why boys feel safe at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch? Ronald McDonald's don't put his meat between boy's buns

Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?

She has

Stephan Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills He just couldn’t figure out who

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

I sold my vacuum the other day. All I got was dust and my moms wig

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found steam on his computer this means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

POV Your an orphan Knock Knock Whos there Not yo mom

there was a animal on my porch then i shot in the head it was strange that it had coffee in its hand, i flipped it over and it was an animal but it looked a lot like my kid.

BFF:DUDE, COME OVER TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!

Me:What no way its 2:58 am

BFF:but i just found my brothers secret stash of oreos!!!!!

Me:I'll be over in 5 minutes

Bubba couldn't make rent so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead. I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

What would you call a person who hides in a a house for 24 hours and then kills them morgz.

homeless person: says to rich person ''im homeless''.Rich person:''Then buy a house''

Rose are red. Violet's are red. My parents bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."