Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.
Just to test their patients.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
