Hooker jokes
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.