Hooker jokes
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.