Hooker jokes
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.