Hooker jokes
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.