Hook jokes
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
Wanna hook up at Mount Cook?
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.
Why do rappers make great fishermen?
They always have the best HOOKS.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!