Hook jokes
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Why did the rapper bring a fishing rod to the studio?
To reel in some KILLER HOOKS.
Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...
#i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Hey, you down to fuck?
No, I’m just down.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What do you call a rapper who's also a pirate?
Captain Rhyme.
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of fishing?
Catching BIG BASS.
What kind of punch do little kids give to other little kids? The Sandy Hook.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.