"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of fishing?
Catching BIG BASS.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Why do rappers make great fishermen?
They always have the best HOOKS.
What do you call a rapper who's also a pirate?
Captain Rhyme.
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because he wanted to reel in the BEST HOOKS.
Why did the rapper bring a fishing rod to the studio?
To reel in some KILLER HOOKS.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...
#i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦
