Hook

Hook jokes

German

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

Why did the rapper become a fisherman?

Because he wanted to reel in the BEST HOOKS.

Why did the rapper bring a fishing rod to the studio?

To reel in some KILLER HOOKS.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

Is laughing a problem?

Laughing at what?

I want to jump.

Jump—what?

Jump off the hook.

What caused Captain Hook's death?

He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”