Home jokes
What is the best way to run away from home?
Join the military.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
Hi, I did not get it when I went home to walk home from home and walk, walk, walk.
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
What did Sally do when she got home?
Cry because she has no arms.
I did a walk today, but it was so much better, and a walk home. I had dinner. Night was good fun at home. Night was good night. I was a little off, but you were so fun to be a night.
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
We're taking the orphans to the movies. We are watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
"Joe Mama is very cool. Sweet Home Alabama starts."
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
I love Alabama. I live there. I have a sign that says, "Sweet Home Alabama!"
What's the most motivational thing to say to an orphan? Go big or go home!
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.
Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.
The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.
The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
'Cause they can't find the home button.