A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
Stories like Rudolph and Wonder show that different means worse.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
