Holiday jokes
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.
My first christmas picture second one ima draw tommorw at school or tonight depends
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her on Halloween.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"