yo mamas so heavy and fat gravity could not hold her down
Me holding a new cat: Say Hi to my little friend! My friends: Hi to my little friend!
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex Oh were you talking to me I thought you only talked behind my back Hold still I am trying to imagine you with a personality
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up ... you're next!"
Pro tip: how to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make you child hold the nail.
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde." The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
How many redheads does it take to change lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Why don’t pakis play football? Because they only hold onto balls attached to prepubescent boys cocks
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged, he holds up the phone and money falls out.
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair. The man who controls the chair asks for any last words. The prisoner reply’s with: “Can you hold my hand?”
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders Turtle soup . The waiter hollers “One Turtle Soup”. A moment later the guy calls the waiter over and says, I’ve changed my mind , I would like Pea Soup The waiter hollers “ Hold The Turtle and Make It Pea “
"Hold my beer, watch this."
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right? Answer: Your right elbow
You Could Hold Your Breath for the Rest of Your Life ***Think about it.***
9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themself up
This is true today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said “need money for strippers and weed”
If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have? A really fucking huge cricket.
