Hold

Hold jokes

Pope

    • One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"

    The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."

    The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"

    The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."

    They ask who, "The President?"

    "No, more important."

    "The president of another country?"

    "No, more important."

    "An ambassador?"

    "No, even more important."

    "Well, who is it?"

    "I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."

    Gender

    • Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

    Me: Uh, male?..

    Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

    Me: You silly goose.

    *Silence for like three seconds*

    Me: Still male though-

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    • Hold memes

    Orphan

    • Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.

    Orphans: YAY!

    5 minutes later...

    Orphans: Wait... where's the...

    Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*

    Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe

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    • Man

    • Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.

    Money

    • This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

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    • Parent

    • "Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

    Nut

    • There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

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    • Elbow

    • What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?

    Answer: Your right elbow.

  • 0

    • Headache

    • A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

    His wife asked what that was for.

    "It is for your headache."

    "I don't have a headache."

    He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"

    Mop

    • What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

    It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.

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    • Head

    • How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

    Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

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    • Dot

    • When I was younger, I went to an Indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly." So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.

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