Hold Jokes

I only remember my fathers last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

How many People do you need to change a Lightbulb? Three.The first holds the ladder,the second one holds the Lightbulb and the third one spins the Ladder.

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life

A Roman walks into a bar

He holds up two fingers and says "give me five beers."

White girl : So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight? Me holding a rock of meth : YES!!!

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde." The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

are your hands feeling heavy? because I can hold them for you

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "do you want to join my family tree?"

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

What did the octopus say to the other? Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands.

I never forget my grandpa’s last words Are you still holding the ladder?

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with "what do you mean I already did it" then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said "Aww it pays to be lazy!"