Hold

Hold Jokes

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: „That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!“ The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: „The driver just insulted me!“ The man says: „You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.“

how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

What did the octopus say to the other? Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands.

My dad died the other day but, i was able to hear his last words"son are you still holding the ladder"

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde." The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

6

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside? My record holding cucumbers locally grown at my farm

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!

Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.

Guy 2: Is it a hard life?

Guy: Yup

Guy 2: Then you can't kill yourself LOL

Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the "game"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.

How many People do you need to change a Lightbulb? Three.The first holds the ladder,the second one holds the Lightbulb and the third one spins the Ladder.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag

One is made of plastic and bad for kids the other one holds shopping

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."