An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "do you want to join my family tree?"
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
Guy: "can I tell you a joke?" Spiderman: "yes" Guy: "you only have 11 months on your calendar" Spiderman: "why" Guy: holds up knife* "because I murdered May"
How many quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb? 4! One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Allouette, gentille allouette!"
Can't wait to meet you! So join the Depression family! We open real soon! Try best to hold onto sanity!
I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the latter son?"
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dads corpse holding a jug of milk.
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words, they wanted to hear them. They are: you still holding the ladder
I will never forgot my grandfather‘s last words:
Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!
I have big balls said the kid holding to soccer balls
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile, I hold the record for the widest ass hole.
Me: John what did he do earlier
John: hold on, I’m trying to think
Me: I thought I smelled poop
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says " Stop ye Im a magical tree you can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks then as he goes to swing the axe he says,"you may be a magical tree... But you will dialog!"
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the latter?"
Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.
Guy 2: Is it a hard life?
Guy: Yup
Guy 2: Then you can't kill yourself LOL
Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the "game"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open. Woman aren't human anyways... lol
How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
I am thinking of removing my spine. It's only holding me back
Fancy playing rodeo sex? “ ok then” she said !! then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as ya sisters ass and hold on for dear life .. real life cow bow boy shit !!!