Hit Jokes

The clock struck one! Then down did come! Hickory dickory doc What am I? Random- a mouse? Me- no dumb $hit! Random- what is it? Me- the gillotine!

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin much he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Depression hits harder than my dad

What is a suicide packs favorite song... Let the bodies hit floor

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize when I did it hit me like a plane

Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that

Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA

What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night? Dark humor.

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's so he goes home and ask his mom who's cooking "Whats the first letter of the ABC's?" he ask and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!" so then he walks to sister who's signing in the shower and asks her "Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" she responds with "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" then he walks over to his brother who's watching batman and asks "Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC's" and his brother responds with "nu nu nu nu batman" then he proceeds to walk to his dad who's watching football and ask "Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" then he walks to his grandma who's cooking buns and ask her "Whats the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's" Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says "Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?" then he proceeds to say "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principals office then she says "What's you're name son?" he responds with "Nu nu nu nu batman!" then the principal ask "How many spanken's boy?!" he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD" and after that he runs out of the principal's office well yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

What is the difference between a plane and a helicoptor.

A plane hits a building but a helicopter hits the floor

titanic - "yo look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, lets hit her"

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent

(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

In America planes hit the twin towers. In Soviet Russia Twin Towers hit planes.

When earthquakes hit coffins become maracas underground

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.