History jokes

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Who says white people can't jump?

Have you seen the 911 footage?

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.

Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.

Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.

The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.

"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.

Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?

A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.

Why was 10 traumatized?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?

They both enjoy kids' company.

What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?

One of the missions succeeded.

Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.

My granddad killed Hitler.

What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?

Adolf Hit Her.

Why do Americans suck at chess?.......... They already lost two towers.