History jokes
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
Memes
still is champoin
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
Why do Americans suck at chess?.......... They already lost two towers.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.