History jokes

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

Q: What do you call a blind German man?

Q: A not-see (Nazi).

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.

Who says white people can't jump?

Have you seen the 911 footage?