History Jokes

A Chinese Drunk and a Jewish Drunk are sitting together on a park bench...

After finishing his drink the Jew takes his bottle and *smashes* it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" ask the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.

"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.

The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle, and *smashes* it over the head of the Jew.

"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.

"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.

"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.

"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg.... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.

Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it

If your taking notes in history class arent you just rewriting history

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah) Student: How should I know, that's his story 🤷‍♀️

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

Kris looks like a Neanderthal, the only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY

IN our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder. And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"

The History of the Star Spangled Banner. By Jose Cannusee

history teacher: They had a temporary cure for the disease , but it would be years before the found a cure for life. Student: I need that.

Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.

Did Delaware a New Jersey? Idaho Alaska

What it actually means (Did dela wear a New Jersey? I don’t know I’ll ask her) Ps. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here

what do rubics cube and mellons have in common they have a history of seprateing colors

Back To The Future-Doc: You can time travel to anytime in HISTORY Marty but NEVER go to the year 2021.....

The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use Shake-spears.

*my mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she recieved it from her cousin* (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

*Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed of the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile* (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ⁠◡⁠ಠ