History jokes
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
England: No towers?
America: No queen?
England: Remember 1812?
America: No tea?
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Twins.
Twins who?
Twins go boom boom today on 9/11.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and The Statue Of Liberty? The Statue of Liberty stands for something! 😂
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
When the Two Towers ordered pizza, all they got was plane.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
What's another name for 9/11?
A forbidden game of Jenga.
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
*Titanic was sinking.*
Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?
Captain: Two miles.
Passenger: Which way are we going?
Captain: Down.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Your hairline is so far back that even Hitler wouldn't shoot it.