New History Jokes - Page 15 - Worst Jokes Ever

Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry everyone, I punch the wrong buttons and we are heading to DC instead of New York and we are about to run out of fuel. He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

Donald faced the other four and orders:

"I'm the greatest leader of the world and I'll make the decision. Tony you go first, our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging." Tony jumps off.

Francis,my friend, you go next, pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me." Francis jumps off.

Hillary faced faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history." Hillary jumps off.

Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and ......"

Greta interrjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

Why were the 1800s so crazy?

Because of Hairriet Tubman.

I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.

Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?

They both had an open mind.

New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot.”

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?

I can Nazi!

Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?

A: Adlof-in.

The History of the Star Spangled Banner. By Jose Cannusee

What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.

I have WWII in my blood since my great grandfather killed hitler.

In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind Manto become a king. I mean, I don't see why not.

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."