History jokes
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
"Nahtzee"
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Q) What was the last pizza delivery to 9/11?
A) Two large planes.
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
9/11.
"9/11 was just a really intense game of Jenga."
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.