Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.
Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.
What do you call an animal underground? A fossil.
The Middle Ages were called the dark ages because there were too many knights.
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Rosa Parks.
Lol.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
