History jokes
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
Hippity hoppity, women are property!
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
"Nahtzee"
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Q) What was the last pizza delivery to 9/11?
A) Two large planes.
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.