My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Why did the tall building fall?
It was September 11th.
Who are the Fastest Readers in the world?
9/11 victims: They read 87 stories in 10 seconds.
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
What was the first man made out of? Adams! (Atoms)
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
