History jokes
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn't exist then.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plane.
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotofpuss.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
Need an arch? I Noah guy.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.