What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
History Jokes
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
You want to hear a 9/11 joke?
I bet they did too!
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
Christopher Columbus: *Sees native Americans* Can I see your land?
Native Americans: Sure, just be care..........
Christopher Columbus: Boonk gang whole lot of gang shit.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
Heil Kyle!
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.
“You’re right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.
“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.
