History jokes
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
What did the knight say when he went to bed?
"Good Knight!" lul
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?
A fossil.
How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times!
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?
Random person: I don't know.
No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!
Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Allahu Akbar---Jalal 2019 xD
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
What do you call an angry Texan?
A Confederate leader.
What is Alan Turing's reincarnation doing?
Getting revenge for what some people said about him being gay.
Where is Rex the dinosaur? In the ground.
Once a knight was called a "kuhnigitt," that's because he was one!
Make America hate again.
Where did the king hide his armies?
In his sleevies.
Worst joke ever.
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.