History jokes
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
Taig
Why were the victims of 9/11 so mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
You wanna know why the Titanic was split in half? The iceberg hit it from the front and back.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Free blacks in the Civil War is the same as me drawing a reverse card in Uno.
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
Why did Sellwood get named?
It is made of wood that got sold.
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
Why don't Romans find algebra fun?
X is always ten.
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.