Him jokes
I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five, but the tree left him hanging.
What did the tree do to the emo?
He left him hanging.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
I've been drinking from a tall cup.
His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
An emo tried to high-five a tree.
It left him hanging.
Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"
Brayden: "Hey!"
*Music roles around*
*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*
Brayden: "O_O"
Hailey: *Hides*
So sad </3 xD
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.