Him jokes

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?

The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?

Well, it only takes one nail.

Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?

It left him hanging.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?

Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”

I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.

By the way, he was an orphan.