Him jokes
What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?
The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
How do you anger a Republican?
Tell him the truth.
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."