Him jokes

Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.

I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

I got in a cage fight.

The hamster didn't know what hit him!

Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...

Would you help him jack off the horse?

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.

What did the tree do to the emo?

He left him hanging.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.

Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"

Brayden: "Hey!"

*Music roles around*

*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*

Brayden: "O_O"

Hailey: *Hides*

So sad </3 xD

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!