Him jokes

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...

Well nvm, they shot him dead.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?

Well, it only takes one nail.

What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?

It left him hanging.

Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.

By the way, he was an orphan.

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.