Him jokes

Orphan: I want to be like Batman.

Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.

Why did the orphan turn gay?

A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.

How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.

How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.

Make him read a book.

What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?

Son: Why?

Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.