HI jokes

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because his parents never came back with it.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Why did the slave go to college?

To get his master's degree.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?

Because he lost May!

Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”