HI jokes

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?

Because he lost May!

Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?

To take care of his erectile dysfunction.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because his parents never came back with it.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.

Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"