Hes jokes
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Memes
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
Why didn't Trump beat Biden?
Because he couldn't trump that bitch!
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
Why does Michael Jackson like spaghetti? He likes the little meatballs.
I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
Why is E.T. better than an orphan?
Because he found his way home.