I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.
Hes Jokes
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).
Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.
I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns? He/heeeeeee.
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
