Hes jokes
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
But wait, what family? He never had one.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.
We started playing rocket league.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”