Hes jokes

Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left hanging.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can’t find home.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

But wait, what family? He never had one.

Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?

He took away their ottoman!

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.