Hes Jokes

Q: how did burger king get diary queen pregnant A: he forgot to wrap his whopper

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

English: Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no. Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?” “Under my bench,” he replies.

French: Toto est à l’école et demande s’il peut aller au salle de bain. La maîtresse dit non. Puis, elle demande à Toto, “Où est le plus grand riviere du monde ?” “Sous mon banc,” il répond.

Why did the legless kid think he won a race?

Because everybody already left.

Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?..

He has no legs...

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

He wasn't wearing a seatbelt

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Why did Steven hawking die,he ran out of data

Why was 10 afraid? Because he was in the middle of 9/11

you can't say hitler was a bad person he did kill hitler after all

Q. What did Hitler give he's niece for her birthday A. An easy bake oven

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

Why is Steven Hawkins good at skate boarding ? Cos he's always on the ramps

I never knew the kid at School had Autism, I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs. 🤔

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked." The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"