Her jokes

Hooker

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Turtle

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

Memes

Hall

Deck the halls with bowels of Holly, fa la la la la, la la la la.

A Star Trek character wearing a Santa hat is pictured with the quote: "I do not know who 'Holly' is, but the desire of her enemies to deck the halls with her bowels indicates that she must be a fierce warrior, indeed."

Mama

Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!

Teacher

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Smoking

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

Mum

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

Mama

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

Difference

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

Mother-in-law

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

Rihanna

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Butterfly

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

Ash

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Mama

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

Cousin

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

Mum

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."