Her jokes
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"