Her jokes
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.