Her jokes

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"