Her jokes

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.

Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

Well, you gotta hand it to her.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?

A hoedown.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.