Her jokes

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?

A hoedown.

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

Why did the hooker quit her job?

She had a nut allergy.

How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

Two, one for her and one for the baby.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.