Her jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
THIS IS A RHYME
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.
Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,
and they had a little fun.
Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.