Her jokes

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They told her to go find the light.

I find this website. I see this person named Gwen. I simp for her, but just for a troll. Next thing I know, we're somehow dating? Then her ex comes in and dates her again. Apparently, he is gay, and I'm pretty sure Gwen could be a boy, but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let y'all know this isn't really supposed to be a dating app or drama app, it's a joke app, and this isn't really a joke. But one last thing, you guys are all b*tches...

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Your mama so fat, it took all the trees to build her a coffin.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

Yo mama so fat that her belt size is the Equator.

There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.

Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

You're so hot when your girlfriend tries to suck your cock, it burns her mouth.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!

Yo mama so big, her belt size said "equator."

There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."

Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?

Beth-la-ham