Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
Her Jokes
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?
A: It left him/her/them hanging.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
