Her jokes
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?
A: It left him/her/them hanging.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋