Her jokes
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
A kindergarten teacher asks her students, "Do you know any words that start with P?"
Little Timmy responds with, "Elmo."
Yo mama so fat that when she was in Uranus, she picked her butthole.
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Yo mama so fat when The Rock hit her with a Rock Bottom, her big fat ass belly let all the pizza explode out of her belly!
Yo mama so fat that John Cena couldn’t get her down with an Attitude Adjustment!
I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.
How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.