Her jokes

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

Lady: I am going to come to your house.

Man: Ok.

An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.

Man: You are going to cum to my house!

And then he fucks her.

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."

Yo momma is so ugly even the trash man wouldn't pick her up.

"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."

Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.

Your mama so chubby, people call her fat.

Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.

Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

Yo momma's so fat, it takes her 1,000,000 hours on the toilet.

Yo mama is so big, her belt size is "equator."

Yo mama's so fat that even Dora don't have time to explore her!

What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?

Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.

Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!

Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.