Her jokes
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"
My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"
What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?
Thunderwear.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
Yo momma is so ugly even the trash man wouldn't pick her up.
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Your mama so chubby, people call her fat.
Yo mama so fat, it took the Flash 40 years to run around her.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."
Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.