Her jokes

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.

Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.

Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"

Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck a plunger down the toilet.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.

Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.

POV: Her name is Alli.

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."