Her jokes

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?

Crack/her

What do you white people use as pronouns?

Crack/her.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.

It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”

I guess you could say, “harassment something.”

Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!

What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?

Grounded beef.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

What makes Mrs. Grape 🍇 a good mother?

Raisin' her kids!

Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

Her: Really? What?

Me: Sweet-in-low.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're artificial.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!