Her jokes
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
wo(man) fe(male) we(men)
dishwash(her)
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
I finally got a girlfriend.
Her name is Remington Model 32.