Help

Help jokes

Boat

    • A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.

    After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.

    And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"

    God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"

    Kahoot

    • Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

    Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

    A question: When is (my name) happy?

    Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

    Answer: Never, only a portion.

    Friend: Do you need help?

    Help memes

    Suicide

    • A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

    All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

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    • Father

    • A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.

    The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

    Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

    A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

    At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

    Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

    After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

    Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

    “No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

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    • Homeless

    • This isn't a joke.

    There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

    JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

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    • Blood

    • So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

    Woman

    • How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

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    • Food

    • "One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

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    • Wall

    • Why does former president Donald J. Trump still want the Mexican government to help him to build a wall to keep them out because he is a Christian nationalist on steroids?

  • 1

    • Name

    • "GWEN, can you help me? There's some person messing with me. There name is JADSA, something like that. Look for a joke named Jayden."

  • 5

    • Act

    • Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

    Now I got a 31 on the ACT.