Help jokes

If you need help, you will need trash, 'cause you the trash.

What do butts say?

"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"

So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."

Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."

And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."

I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜

How do you help a starving cannibal?

You give him a hand!

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.

"GWEN, can you help me? There's some person messing with me. There name is JADSA, something like that. Look for a joke named Jayden."

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

What do you call a magic car that I can do to help me out for you and I will be doing a great day?

Good news! There's a new program to help autistic people. It's called Action T-4.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Gwen-Kind-Positive-Lends a Helping Hand- Stops Bullies- Does Most Helpful Work.

Addison Banks- Positive Voicing-Stops Hurtful Words.

ALYA-Powerful in Thought- Helps- But Sadly Is Gone.

Prince-Always Backed Up Gwen- But Sadly Is Gone Too.

Watersharky-Helps When Needed-Backs Up Anyone- Curses When Needed- Helps People Through Depression.

These Are The Legends, There Are More Out There You Could Be One Too Just Lend a Helping Hand.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"

The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."

Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"