Hearing jokes
"Me tells dad joke often."
"I want to hear it."
"Me? You wouldn't get it."
Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?
America - 8
Ethiopia - didn't.
Wanna hear a joke...
I don't know, I'm too high.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.
When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
Wanna hear a joke? Just look in the mirror, the joke's there!
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."