Hearing jokes

Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?

It rocked!

Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?

Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.

Wanna hear a joke...

I don't know, I'm too high.

The mailman came to drop the mail off.

Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.

Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."

Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."

Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?

America - 8

Ethiopia - didn't.

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.

Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?

"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

Did you hear about that Muslim party?

It was a blast!

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.