Hearing jokes

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Hear the one about the deaf kid?

He didn't.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?

It had excellent mussel memory.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?

A: Hearing Aids.

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?

Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...

Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?

Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

Did you hear about the racist sprinkler?

It kept going: "Spick spick spick Chink chink chink!"

Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!

An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.

Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.

When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.

A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.

She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."

The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.

Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)