Hearing jokes
"Me tells dad joke often."
"I want to hear it."
"Me? You wouldn't get it."
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.
When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.
Wanna hear a joke? Just look in the mirror, the joke's there!
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.