Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?
Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
Did you hear about the racist sprinkler?
It kept going: "Spick spick spick Chink chink chink!"
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
A Story:
I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.
Sequel follows...
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.