Hearing jokes

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Do you want to hear a cold joke?

Can't. It warmed up.

Do you want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?

Almost took out the whole trailer park.

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.

What games would deaf people not be good at?

Simon says and Musical chairs.

A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"

The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."

The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."

Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store? She called for a price check.

Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?

He killed his mom and then fucked her.

Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Doctor: *calls 911*

911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

911 service: *hangs up*

Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke?

-You guys- sure

Ok! -insert every game with a copy and paste/slender in the thumbnail-

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

Wanna hear something twisted?

A pretzel.

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.