Hearing jokes

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

Wanna hear a joke...

I don't know, I'm too high.

Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?

America - 8

Ethiopia - didn't.

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?

It rocked!

Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?

Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?

Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Hear the one about the deaf kid?

He didn't.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.