A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
Hearing Jokes
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
Want to hear a joke? Look at the Miami Dolphins football record.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.
What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
I have a really good joke.
Do you want to hear it?
Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
Here are some skeleton jokes.
You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.
If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.
I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.
I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.
I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!
I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.
I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.
Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!
There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)
So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.
But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f
... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
