Hearing

Hearing jokes

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What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!

Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.

But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

  • 4

    • 1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

    A dino-snore!

    2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

    A rocket chip!

    3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

    Because she was stuffed!

    4. What has ears but cannot hear?

    A cornfield!

    5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

    Between us, something smells!

    My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

    Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

    Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

    Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

    Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

    Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

    Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.

    Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.

    Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.