Hearing jokes

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

Wanna hear a racist joke?...

Donald Trump.

I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."

Wanna hear the car joke?

Nah, it's too fast for you.

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."

Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.

When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.

Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?

His wife gave him the cold shoulder.

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

- Sure.

Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]

Wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.