Heard jokes

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

Have you heard the joke about the paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

I get paid more than $200 to $400 per hour for working online. I heard about this job 3 months ago, and after joining this, I have earned easily $30k from this without having online working skills. Simply give it a shot on the accompanying site...

Here is I started.............>> fixpay1.blogspot.com

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?

Because they heard the drinks were on the house!

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?

Because he heard the bars were high.

I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

You heard of the Pixar movie "Up," but have you heard of "Down, Down," the 9/11 terrorist attack?

I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.

Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.

Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.

Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.

Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!

Have you ever heard of sex? Because you just got fucked.