Heard jokes

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.

The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

Why did the rapper bring a map to the recording studio?

Because he heard they were dropping TRACKS.

Have you heard the joke about the paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

I get paid more than $200 to $400 per hour for working online. I heard about this job 3 months ago, and after joining this, I have earned easily $30k from this without having online working skills. Simply give it a shot on the accompanying site...

Here is I started.............>> fixpay1.blogspot.com

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

You heard of the Pixar movie "Up," but have you heard of "Down, Down," the 9/11 terrorist attack?

I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

Have you ever heard of hearing aids?

Yeah, me neither.

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.

Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.

Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.

Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.

Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!

Have you ever heard of sex? Because you just got fucked.

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

Déjà Vat: the feeling that you’ve heard that bad joke before.

Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?

Because they heard the drinks were on the house!