Head jokes
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
What was going through the heads of people in Manhattan witnessing 9/11?
Tower 1...
Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
I have two heads, four eyes, and six ears, what am I?
Ugly.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.
A boy's hairline is always in the back of his head, and its shape is like a check mark.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Three girls were lined up for execution. The black-haired one, being the smart one, turned around and yelled, "Tornado!"
Everyone panicked, and she escaped. The red-headed one, following her example, shouted as the executioners got back, "Hurricane!"
The red-headed friend escaped too. Now, it was the blonde's turn. Following both her friends, she turned to the executioners and yelled:
"Fire!"
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.